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A New Year! Yeah!
Well, time for 2007, a year of promise, a year of hope, and a year of coll movies! Let's look shall we?
January 2
Snakes on a Plane- Snakes, on a plane, who was doing the heavy doobage when they thought of this movie?
Martin Season 1- This show created the pox on us that is Martin Lawrence.
The Covenant- Proving that a crappy comic makes a crappy comic book movie!
January 9
The Night Listener- Robin Williams as Frasier Crane...once again pot was flying around the studio the day thins got approved.
Crank- Is this porn?
The Illusionist- This is the title of what I think of myself during sex.
Banditas- Penelope Cruz and Selma Hayek play outlaws, gay outlaws, with tons of lotion...oh that's the movie in my head.
Idiocracy- A vision of what the world would be like in the future if we were all idiots, or the nightly news.
Broken Bridges- I do not know the star but he sings country and just because you sing of hick things does not mean you can act it out.
January 15
Dr. Who Season 2- Starring Horton.
Texas Chainsaw Massacre Two: The Beginning- No one stuck around long enough to see the end so the title fits.
The Legend of Prince Valiant the Complete Series Volume 2- If the last one was complete then how do you get a sequel?
Employee of the Month- Dane Cook cannot act.
Gridiron Gang- The Rock can only blow things up convincingly.
The Protector- They gave this movie a wide release and no one heard of the main actor...ever.
January 23
The Invincible Iron Man- As long as it is better than the old cartoon in the early 90's starring the guy from Airplane as Tony Stark?!?!?!?!
Saw 3- I see you too.
Brokeback Mountain The Special Edition- Just because they are gay does not make them special. Are we going to have busses for them soon?
The Guardian- Kevin Costner needs to realize he is old and fat now, action movies are out...unless he is smoking the doobage too.
January 30
Farce of the Penguins- Narrated by Samual L. Jackson, this man will do anything for money.
Open Season- This movie stars both Martin Lawrence and Ashton Kutcher and it's title leads you to believe you can shoot them...where's my hunting rifle?
Flyboys- Yeah, they flew right out of the theater and onto DVD.
Silence of the Lambs, the Collectors Edition- The lotion goes in the basket.
Passion of the Christ Special Edition- Christian don't need to see the crucifixion from sewveral angles. One way was enough.
The Marine- WWE stars should not act- they look like wrestlers trying to act.
That's it for January- good stuff up there. See you in a month.
It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!
With the year of awesomness coming to a close, we are so excited to bring this year's crap!
Without further ado...
December 5
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men's Chest- Did anyone go and see the updated ride yet? The added Johnny Depp into three scenes and as a background to the scene, what a gyp! Oh, this movie was OK.
Mission Impossible: Season 1- Good evening Mr. Phelps, your misson, destroy Tom Cruise.
Animaniacs Volume 2- Hello Nurse
Pinky & the Brain Volume 2 - Whaddya wanna do tonight, Brain?
Rocky : Collector's Edition- I find this movie sadder now that I know Adrianne dies of the "woman cancer".
Pulse- You'll be sad you gave up two hours of yours to watch this crap.
Black Christmas- Hey, it's Santa coming down the chimney...with an axe and hey, Santa got bad teeth...AGH! The fun family film of the year!
24 Season 5- This show rocks!
How to Eat Fried Worms- I'd rather see Santa with an axe.
Attack Force (starring Steven Segal)-The movie itself is the joke here.
Miami Vice - Jamie Foxx as Tubbs, how cool is that idea!
Dungeons & Dragons the Complete Series - The cartoon features the how-to guide on getting girls (they need all the help they can get)
Saturday Night Live Season 1- ALWAYS WILL BE THE BEST CAST EVER!
December 12
Chronicles of Narnia: the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe: Special Edition - The lion is Jesus.
The Andy Griffin Season 1- Opie is Ritchie Cunningham
The Fox & the Hound 2- You know dogs eat hounds.
St. Elsewhere Season 1- The best TV theme soong ever!
The Devil Wears Prada- This movie I was dragged to see and loved every minute of it.
The Doors 15th Anniversary Edition - I feel I need a shower after this movie ends.
Barnyard- This one too, for way different reasons.
Talladega Nights: the Ballad of Ricky Bobby- I'm going fast Momma!
Material Girls- The Duff girls together on film, all is right with the world.
World Trade Center- No comment
Stacked: the Complete Series- Now that Pamela Anderson has left Kid Rock she needs the help.
December 19
ER Season 6- Who was left on this show at this point?
The New Police Story- The answer to what the hell happened to Jackie Chan?
American Pie Presents the Naked Mile- This movie series still has life?
My Super Ex-Girlfriend- Uma Thurman looks awesome in tights, who cares that there is an actual movie.
A Scanner Darkly- Whoa, I'm like in water colors
Step Up - This movie was about dancing(yeah), not the dirty kind(Aww)
Invincible- Good movie for an Eagle film.
All the King's Men (2006)- What was Sean Penn thinking.. and he brought all his friends to this crap-fest. At least when Clooney does it he has the common sense to make a comedy.
The Lady in the Water- If I had a mermaid in my pool I would not want it to be Bryce Howard, I mean have you seen her, do you really want to see her pasty naked body?
The Simpsons Season 9- Doh...for the ninth time.
Jet Li's Fearless- See Jet Li in head shaven/18th century/ blade weilding/ nose picking/ humorless/ manderin speaking/ dress wearing form until he does it again but it takes place in modern day!
The Wicker Man (2006) - This movie was crap when it was on 3:30 AM TV back in the eighties.
December 26
The Descent- This movie scared the crap out of me, and I have only seen the trailers.
Haven - AKA Orlano Bloom wants an oscar.
The Last Kiss- I saw this and Zach Braff was a jerk , but I don't think he strecthed to play the part.
Jackass Number 2- Groin shots are just waht we need for the holidays.
The Black Dahlia- Also unsolved murders make the world a better place.
The New Adventures of He-Man Volume 1- Did we really need a new gay version of an old gay show based off an old gay toy-line. I mean seriously.
and that will close The Year of Awesomeness that was 2006.
Happy Holidays Everyone!
Great Movies In November
Well, here it is...November. All the good movies are coming for the holidays. But, who am I to complain, only to find fault. So let's get to the titles, shall we?
November 7
Bevery Hills 90210 Season 1- Back when Hilary Swank was considered a bad actress and Luke Perry was the next star
Melrose Place Season 1- Back whne that guy from Desperate Housewives was gay
Police Squad! Complete Series - The Naked Gun on TV
Transformers the Movie 20th Anniversary Edition- It wasn't good tweny years ago, what makes you think it got better now.
Cars- A world of cars? How do they poop?
The Sopranos Season 6 Part 1- The light and fluffy season.
Debbie Does Dallas Special Edition- Porn gets a special edition? Isn't that the first sign of the apocolypse?
November 14
Forbidden Planet- Is that the Cars world?
King Kong Deluxe Edition- How many editions can they make about a 2005 remake? Apparently as many as they want
Looney Tunes Golden Collection Volume 4- Is it just me or does Bugs Bunny look better as a girl...I'm just saying...you agree even if a part of you feels dirty.
The Family Guy Volume 4- Just release the season packages already.
The DaVinci Code- Book..great...movie...naptime
John Tucker Must Die- This stars teh kid who slept with Eva Longoria...see you can have your cake and eat it too.
Strangers with Candy: the Movie- Funny movie and TV show
The Green Mile Special Edition- Who knew a bald muscled 300 pound model could act?
Lois & Clark Season 4- This show lasted four seasons?
The Adventures of Superman Seasons 5 and 6 - George Reeves lived six seasons?
Accepted- What every nerd wants
November 21
Ice Age: Meltdown- Is there something wrong with the number 2? I mean it is a sequel...and there was a 2 in the title at first and then it's gone. POoor number 2...no respect.
Star Trek: the Animated Series- This cartoon was a wooden as William Shatner's acting.
How the Grinch Stole Christmas(Cartoon) - Great classic
You, Me, and Dupree- Proving what I knew, Owen Wilson is not funny.
A Fish Called Wanda- But Kevin Kline is.
The Punisher Extended Cut- Why extend a crap movie...it won't get better.
Home Alone Special Edition- Hey remeber the cute kid from this movie, now he's old and ugly and has no one, now the movie's title makes me sad.
An Incovenient Truth- Al Gore is a better actor than Will Shatner.
Scoop- Woody Allen is not funny anymore.
Seinfeld Season 7- No soup for you!
November 28
The Ultimate Superman Collection- It has every movie on DVD!
Superman Returns - OK, this movie was good but way too long!
Superman 2: The Richard Donner Cut- I want to see it just to get the image of Margot Kidder naked. UGH.
My Super Ex-Girlfriend- Uma Thurman naked, now that's a different tune.
Thundercats Season 2 Volume 2- Thunder, thunder, thunder thighs!
Disney's Robin Hood Special Edition- Errol FLyn is a better Robin Hood than a stupid fox!
Clerks 2- Why?
Supergirl- Why again?
Dane Cook: Vicious Circle- Funny stand up
Dane Cook: Tourgasm- Not so funny show
See No Evil- Kane is one ugly guy, no wonder he is home alone.
An Evening with Kevin Smith 2- Is this porn? If it is I don't want to see it.
The Ant Bully- Is it me or are you tired of every other movie being a CGI kid flick?
St. Elsewhere Season 1- This show's theme song was the most sneak in your head and stay with you song ever. Listen to it at your own risk.
Bones Season 1- Is this show good? Is this show still on the air?
That is all for this month...Happy Thanksgiving all!
